Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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