I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
