it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
