soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
