if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my sisters under your porch take her home
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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