He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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