Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
