he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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