so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
