census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
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you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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