Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I woke up under a house in Key West
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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