i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
