so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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