Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i will never coherently bang her
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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