Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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