3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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