Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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