somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize