Your tits are I can't wait for
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
