His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
