I think I died a long time ago.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
