who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
