we have pet lesbian snakes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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