I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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