Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
