One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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