I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
