I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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