Soap is not a condiment
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
