Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
