I think I am morally bankrupt
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
