Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
