you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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