Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
