well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
