all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
