can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
