sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
