Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
