So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's always time for handjobs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
