Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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