is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
