so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
