I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
