Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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