I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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