I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
