if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize