Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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