I am full of burrito and curiosity
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
