My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
