hotel room ftw
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
