I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
