My first STD was from a foam party
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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