My hand turned me down
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
