I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
