I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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