The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
