Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
