I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
