Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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