I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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