I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
