Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
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You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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